Most of us recognize how much our healthy relationships contribute to our sense of well-being and happiness. Some of us go as far as to say that our most cherished connections are all that really matter in life. But what makes our relationships healthy? There are components to those special relationships that make them truly satisfying and long lasting.
Some of the best components are mutual respect, trust, open and empathic communication, healthy boundaries, support and taking responsibility. With those to whom we are closest, all of these apply, in addition to being skillful with expressing and receiving sincere love and support. Long-term relationship satisfaction is more likely achieved as we maintain these efforts over time.
How good are your relationship skills? It may be easier to recognize what you’re not getting from others than to recognize where you need to work on yourself. We didn’t all have the best models for healthy relationships growing up, so it’s understandable if you need a little help.
To further complicate matters, the demands of everyday life can contribute to the development of unhealthy patterns of behavior that can create emotional distance or conflict towards those we love. If you could make some little changes now to enhance your connection to someone important to you, you may find that you will get more of what you want in return. Consider practicing the skills below.
Respectful and Empathic Communication
Try to closely listen to the concerns or stories of an important person in your life. Focus in on what he or she may be feeling about the topic being discussed and ask questions if you need clarification. Use your direct eye contact and facial expressions to show that you are engaged and listening. Put your own feelings, concerns and judgement aside to truly hear your important person. Then show verbal acknowledgement, concern and support. For example:
“Wow, you handled that very well!”
“I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“Tell me how I can help.”
Healthy Boundaries
Having healthy boundaries in a relationship means that it’s ok for you to say “no” in situations that don’t seem to meet your needs or cause you to feel insignificant, unseen, or emotionally or physically unsafe. People in your life will also feel the need to have boundaries and to express their boundaries with you. Having a mutual respect for one’s boundaries and having the ability to clearly and concisely express one’s corresponding thoughts and feelings is necessary in any healthy relationship.
When we feel uneasy about verbally delivering these thoughts and feelings, we may need to practice simple statements that sound respectful and reasonable. If your words reflect both, encourage yourself to proceed with conveying them. Below are examples of how you can express your boundaries and respect those of someone else:
“No thank you.”
“Now isn’t a good time for me.”
“If that doesn’t work for you, that’s ok.”
“I understand your situation. Maybe we can work something else out.”
Taking Responsibility
It isn’t always easy accepting responsibility when in conflict with another person. Sometimes it’s a knee jerk reaction to be defensive when we feel accused of wrongdoing. When you remind yourself that one of your main goals is to have harmony in your important relationships, then lowering your defensiveness to understand the situation a bit more can be easier.
Don’t miss your chance to empathize with how the other person may be feeling and to be inquisitive about how the other person may be feeling. Secondly, examine your possible role in the problem and acknowledge that role prior to moving on with your own thoughts and feelings. Help your important person feel understood even if you have your own complaints or concerns. This is important for achieving a productive dialogue. Words to use to demonstrate responsibility taking:
“I can see how much this has had an impact on you. I’m sorry.”
“You’re right. I could have been more aware of that.”
“I should have seen how upset you have been about this.”
Expressions of Love and Support
How do you demonstrate love and support in a routine fashion? There are numerous ways. It can be as simple as giving your important person a hug or a kiss when you see them or randomly writing the person kind notes or texts. Making routine time for that special relationship is important and even more special when you’re letting that person know how you look forward to that time.
Verbalizing what you admire and appreciate about your person and how you will be there for them when needed is an act of love. Other expressions can be simply helping with responsibilities or personal goals. Anytime you go out of your way to honor, support or just put a smile on your special person’s face, you are nurturing your special relationship and fostering healthy relationship dynamics.
It’s not always easy to successfully nurture your relationships. Sometimes you may be needing others to be there for you more than you can be there for others. You also may feel that you don’t always have the right skills to keep your relationships harmonious and satisfying. Know that help is available. There are many additional ways to nurture and strengthen your relationships. Speak to a mental health professional for additional information and assistance.
