Of all emotions, the expression of anger can cause the most difficulty in our relationships with others, at home and at work. However, understanding our own anger and developing healthy alternatives to hostility, irritability and rage is possible. It helps to first take a closer look at anger at the cognitive level.
Although we have a pretty good understanding of what environmental stimuli produce anger (such as being cut off by another vehicle on the road), many of us don’t have a good understanding of our own internal triggers to anger.
Our internal triggers to anger are more often derived from a perceived threat to our dignity or self-esteem than a perceived physical threat. Examples include the perception of being treated unfairly at work, the perception that one is questioning your abilities, or the perception that someone is questioning your authority.
Occasionally, an underlying source of our anger lies in our perfectionist tendencies. We expect perfection, order, control, and become angry when these become unobtainable (as they often do). Having a good self-awareness of what specific underlying thoughts or perceptions create and/or fuel your anger arousal is a key component to anger management.
A noteworthy dynamic of anger is the tendency for its escalation to occur through a build-up of provocations, whether external or self-imposed through one’s own anger inducing thoughts. For example, “brooding” over being passed up for a promotion will not only fuel one’s anger, but in most cases, typically allows anger to linger and escalate. It is most helpful to utilize anger management interventions in the earliest stages of escalation to yield the most overall success. The following are some intervening steps to help manage your anger.
STEP 1
Step back or slow the process of anger through changing your physical and mental state by creating a short time barrier or pause between your feeling of anger and your response. Walking, diaphragmatic breathing, running up the stairs, tensing and relaxing a muscle group are all brief methods for changing your physical state. If you have time, you can change your mental state by temporarily distracting yourself with a more pleasant conversation, a pleasant visualization, an entertaining video or reading a short article.
STEP 2
Reframe your thoughts. Attempt to develop an open mind about the issue that has provoked your anger by:
(1) Challenging your thoughts or giving weight to a more positive explanation of the events that triggered your anger, even if you feel strongly about your initial explanation.
(2) Attempt to practice empathic thoughts about the person that triggered your anger.
(3) Learn to emotionally let go of that which you can’t control. Don’t shoulder someone else’s issues.
Don’t try to fight a system or a problem with your anger. You might then be viewed as the problem instead.
* This step involves conscious self-talk and self-instructional statements. Think of statements you can make in your head that may work for you, such as “slow down” or “he doesn’t know any better.”
Finally, gaining more control of your anger will be difficult if you do not learn to communicate with others constructively after you have de-escalated your anger. Your anger can be a motivating tool for problem-solving and constructive confrontation. Your ability to decrease your anger arousal, increase self-control, and utilize constructive confrontation will likely provide you with more interpersonal success at home and at work.
